flashbacks

I recently received an email - work related. I didn't like it. In fact, it managed to stir up these emotions and feelings that ultimately culminated in what I term stress. It can be found below but details have been replaced.


Joke a side. I was informed that you were the Safety Equipment officer of xxx Sqn at the time when the sqn was closing and you were the one that returned all the remain helmets to safety equipment section. However, there are a few of us whose helmets were not signed in and Miss xxx (ALSE) has problem locating our helmets. If not close we will have to sign SAF1206. Can you remember who in Safety equip section that you return all the helmets to. I am goiing ORD soon and I need to trace my helmet, so are many many others that will ORD soon...


Tell me what you think of this email. Does it sound like he is pointing an accusing finger at me? That I didn't do my job properly? I would just like to mention that helmets are items that are issued as a personal item. It's like wiping your own ass after you take a crap. Maybe it's just me.... being oversensitive.

While I'm in my state of oversensitivity, many thoughts ran through my mind. It was a stark reminder of what working life would be like in the near future. Very near future in fact, now that my graduation draws nearer and nearer. I was reminded of why I decided that I HAD to take a break from work. I remembered how weak the system was because of the people who ran it. I remembered how angry I was with the people I thought I could trust and depend upon; the same ones I'm supposed to trust and to go to war with as my wingmen and flight leads; the ones who claim to be impartial and deal with matters of work with the 'big picture' in mind, but in fact are just overwhelmed by their larger than real-life egos. Their impartiality skewed towards their self-interest and laziness and unwillingness to work and the fear of making mistakes and not being brave enough to stand up and admit them.

I can only hope that life gets better upon my return to the service. But I am not optimistic. And it's good - to not expect. I was told that upon my return, I would no longer be the junior without the qualifications and that I should get out of the "junior" mentality.... I should.

Would I become someone like little fish mentioned?

I thank all those people who took their time to 'counsel' me with their valuable pieces of advice.

And to all you 'dinosaurs', "balls to you!!"

true value

'in men, not the seller, but the buyer determines the price....their true value is no more than it is esteemed by others.'

- Thomas Hobbes. "Leviathan - Chap X: Of Power, Worth, Dignity, Honour, and Worthiness"


our true value is determined by "others"? do we then live life trying to impress and create that impression we want in others? who are these "others"?

if we live life being fully concerned about what other ple think about yourself, then i believe that a tough life ensues - a life in which u can't even be urself.

if we live life not being concerned about the comments of others, then we are not better than an uncivilised person. we have to realise that we live in a polis.

can we strike a balance then? ascertain who the "others" are and impress those ple. ignore the unimportant folks whose comments and appraisal u deem impotent.

written on aug 23, 2006

solitude is?

solitude is a lost art; it does not equal loneliness, it's a relationship with yourself

-quoted from a friend.

written on 1st oct 06

strike 3

I just have a random question -

Does minister mentor Lee Kuan Yew or senior minister Goh Chok Tong have a religion?

Menstration

Exams screw me up.

Exam periods are like my menses period. Not menses menses as in cramps and moody and pains and suicidal, but more like - exams affect me only once in a while, and only when it's exam periods.

I get insecure - I regret / wonder / cannot figure out why the hell I decided to pursue my degree. This decision had been bugging me for the longest of time - years on end in fact. Maybe after I figure out why, I can try to ask myself why I'm choosing "practical" subjects like economics instead of fun and interesting and more applicable subjects like philsophy or history. I always thought I always liked economics. I also always thought I always disliked history (I never took history for O-Levels in Sec 3 and 4)

Someone please convince me that I will be more "marketable" when the time comes for me to look for my second job after I retire IF I were to complete a major in economics.
Please.....

Get over it.

I find my thoughts wondering off the most when I'm having my exams - I must be in denial.

Perhaps every now and then, someone will have to tell him/her self to get over it. Decide to get over it. But there are a myriad of things that people don't get over - then how?

Perhaps we don't have to get over them things. Mayhaps all we have to do is to remember them; for the good and the bad.
Remember the lessons learnt by reminding your good self about the pain and suffering you experienced so that you won't commit a mistake like that ever again - you try.
Remember also the joys during better times so that when you inadvertantly indulge yourself again in future, you comfort yourself that at least it was good while it lasted - only for a while.

Just don't dwell on it.
Get over it.

proportional slackness

With only 3 days of uni a week - Monday and Friday off, (don't be envious!!) I find myself ridiculously busy.

Leisure became an occupation; or perhaps a preoccupation?

I'm very tempted to think that second year uni is alot tougher than first year.

Why is it that busy people, with their filled up schedules can afford time to achieve more things than the "free" people?

Do they achieve more things because they are busy and so they have to do more? Isn't it more like a requirement then? Maybe these people are just smarter and are higher achievers than others(me!!)?

So does being a high achiever mean that one must have a busy schedule to begin with? Then isn't what they manage to achieve a part of their required work?

And so having a slack lifestyle corresponds proportionally to the lack of achievements?

Its my time table's fault...!!

something brainless

Notice the looong hiatus since the last post? I've been slack... (having heaps of fun?)

Here's two more interesting pics taken from my not-too-recent trip to Bangkok.

This picture was taken in the train station. I travelled all the way to BangKOK in a quest to Bang Sue.

This sticker was found in the toilet of my hotel room. Wastage is definitely not encouraged!!